If I Were a Boy
by Queen Nan
Summary: She's just a girl...


**Title: If I Were a Boy**

**Author: Queen Nan**

**Summary: She's just a girl…**

**A.N. Inspired by a video at the Rachel_Quinn Community on livejournal. This may or may not stay a one shot.**

**A.N2: Un beta'd so all mistakes are mine.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters... damnit.**

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**_-I swear I'd be a better man-_**

She didn't have chance with her. She knew that, she had long ago come to terms with that. She had even convinced the entire school that she loved the boy on _her _arm. She did not love Finn, not like that. She loved him in the way a person loves their very first friend but not in the way he claimed to love her. She was sure it made her a bad person that the only reason she cared about his love was because at least if he loved her he'd stay away from Quinn.

She hated herself for how much she loved the girl who made her life hell. She hated that she had very nearly allowed Puck into her pants because subconsciously she'd realized that Quinn's affections were split. She hated that Quinn had no idea how much Rachel would give anything to be a boy. Just for a chance to love Quinn, to be loved by Quinn. She would treat her like a Queen if she were a boy; she'd have never gotten Quinn pregnant, because she would never have dreamed of bedding Quinn when she was drunk.

But she wasn't a boy.

* * *

Rachel watched Quinn and Sam out of the corner of her eye and fought the instinctual urge to interfere. She didn't even know how she'd interfere but she desperately wanted to. Maybe she could mind trick Finn into going after Quinn again, it might be just enough to fracture the budding romance between Quinn and the Blond boy wonder. Finn would feel horrible and of course Rachel would forgive him and then Quinn would be alo-

Rachel physically shook her head. She had told herself she'd be better. She loved Quinn and it was high time she proved it. If Quinn was happy with the Na'vi spewing closeted geek then Rachel would be happy for her. Rachel would content herself with the knowledge that by not meddling she had played a part, however small, in making Quinn happy.

"Berry?"

Rachel snapped her head up and turned to look a Santana, "Yes Santana? How may I assist you?"

The Latina scowled at her, "Mr. Schue asked you a question."

Rachel gave her attention back to their coach, "Yes Mr. Schue?"

The man cleared his throat, "Is everything alright Rachel? You looked like you were off in your own world."

Rachel smiled a bright fake smile, "Of course Mr. Schue! I was simply contemplating ideas for my solo at Sectionals."

She smirked on the inside, everyone in this club was exceedingly easy to predict.

Right on cue Mercedes snapped, "Why in the hell does she automatically get the solo!"

Kurt was there a second later to back Mercedes up, "I agree! Rachel isn't the only great singer in this club!"

Mr. Schue held up his hands, "Guys! I haven't…" Rachel tuned the man out and a moment later her eyes unfocused again as she retreated back into her head. She didn't argue or defend her right to the solo and she assumed that no one would notice and if they did they'd simply be thankful. She missed the narrowed hazel eyed gaze of the blonde to her left.

* * *

"I think something is up with Rachel…" Quinn let her statement hang in the air.

The diva and her giant were the only people missing from the table at lunch the next day.

Santana snorted, "As opposed to what? Something is always up with Berry."

Mercedes, whose head was bent over some last minute homework, added "She seems like normal Rachel to me. I mean yesterday she was laying claim to the solo for Sectionals."

Quinn rolled her eyes, "She really manipulates the hell out of you guys doesn't she? Didn't anyone notice that Rachel didn't actually take part in the argument except to get it started? She didn't even seem interested. She let you guys argue with Schue and each other and everyone forgot that Mr. Schue had asked her a question."

Puck shoved a fry in his mouth, "What question?"

Quinn snapped in disgust, "If she was ok!"

Santana arched an eyebrow, "Since when do you pay such close attention to RuPaul?"

Quinn glowered at her but was saved from answering as the bell rang.

She yanked her backpack away from Sam who followed after her looking vaguely bewildered.

"Quinn?"

The Cheerio sighed at the tone of Sam's voice, "I'm sorry Sam. I'm not mad."

The blond boy looked inappropriately relieved, "Oh. Well good." His attention was caught by someone as he grinned, "Hey Finn!"

The tall boy fist bumped the smaller boy, "What's up Sam?"

Sam shrugged, "Nothing."

Finn smiled, "Cool. Hey listen, do you think that you and Quinn would like to go on a double date with me a Rachel?"

Sam cocked his head, "I guess… why though?"

Finn shrugged, "I don't know. You're a cool dude and Rachel and I sometimes run out of things to talk about. Another couple might help."

Sam nodded, "Sounds good, Just text me the what, when, and where and we'll do it."

Finn beamed at him before he started, "I gotta go. I need a book from my locker. See you later Sam! Bye Quinn!" The tall boy lumbered off and Quinn was left gaping at her boyfriend.

"Did you just make a double date with my ex-boyfriend and his girlfriend whom I kind of can't stand?" Quinn really hoped the vein on her forehead wasn't bulging. She'd inherited it from her father and it was really unattractive.

Sam backed away a step, "I did?"

Quinn took a breath, "Why?"

Sam ruffled his own hair, "I like Finn? He's nice and Rachel seems… well ok Rachel seems crazy but…"

Quinn snapped at him, "She's intense, not crazy." Her own eyebrows shot up. Was she really defending Rachel?

Sam looked surprised as well, "Sorry. If you don't want to go we don't have to."

Quinn heaved a put upon sigh, "Canceling would be rude. But you are going to grovel for a week to make up for this."

Sam bobbed his head in agreement and Quinn fought down the annoyance she felt. He always caved and it was starting to get boring. It had bored her with Finn, and now it was boring her with Sam.

Puck had challenged her. Of course he was also an ass so that ship was sunk as well. She ground her teeth as Sam hurried after her. She'd kill for a happy medium. Someone who challenged her but also treated her well. Unbidden, dark eyes flashed in her mind's eye. Dark eyes alight with passion and fury and compassion.

* * *

Quinn rounded the corner and came to a stop at the odd sight that greeted her outside the choir room. The entire team was pressed against the door.

"What's going on?" She addressed the question to the group.

It was Kurt who answered with more excitement than was strictly necessary, "Rachel and Finn are fighting!"

Quinn asked before she could stop herself, "Why?"

Mercedes waved a hand, "Rachel is pissed. Apparently Finn made plans for them and didn't consult her."

Sam shifted uncomfortably, "She's mad about the double date…"

Quinn stamped down the brief hurt and settled on irritation, "Why? Does she think she is too good for us?"

"I don't know," Sam's reply was honest.

Quinn growled and shouldered past the group. She banged the door open.

Both Rachel and Finn turned to look at her.

Quinn was surprised by how infuriated Rachel looked.

The little diva eyed her for a moment before she turned to snarl at Finn, "If you want to date Quinn then date Quinn!"

Finn shook his head and held up his hands, "I don't want to date Quinn! I already have! I don't want to do it again."

Rachel's eyes flashed, "There will be no double date Finn."

Finn cowered, "Ok. No double date Rachel."

Rachel stared him down until he broke her gaze before the diva stomped to her seat and sat down with an angry huff.

Finn edged towards her with his tail tucked firmly between his legs and sat next to his girlfriend.

Quinn and the rest of the team filed in and took their seats, all the while giving Rachel a wide berth.

Rachel wore a dark look the entire meeting.

* * *

Rachel stormed into her house and slammed the door. Damn him! Damn them! A double date? What in the hell was Finn thinking? She didn't need to be around Quinn in a romantic setting. She was never going to let him go if he was trying to make dates with Quinn… Rachel's heart stuttered. Did Finn want Quinn back? Was that why he'd come up with the hair brained idea?

More importantly, did Quinn want Finn?

Rachel sat heavily on the sofa in her living room. If Quinn wanted Finn… god help her, Rachel would give him back.

Damn it. She would be the better man… even if it killed her.

* * *

**_-You wish you were a better man-_**

The school had exploded with the rumors and speculations as to the events surrounding the breakup of Rachel Berry and Finn Hudson.

It was obvious that Rachel had done the breaking. Finn was devastated and seemed completely at a loss. But at the same time he didn't seem angry with Rachel. In fact he seemed to eye her with a mix of longing and pity.

The little diva was unflappable. She didn't seem prepared to acknowledge the breakup in any form and it was starting to infuriate some of the more gossip minded student. Kurt and Mercedes were beside themselves.

Quinn was pissed. Rachel had done everything in her power to break up her and Finn and now she'd thrown him away. If she didn't want him then… well ok Quinn didn't want him either but Rachel shouldn't have been so willing to dump Quinn's leftovers.

Glee was tense. Rachel seemed unaffected and it upset Quinn to see her so blasé about the breakup, whereas Finn was devastated and yet he seemed angry at her of all people. Like she had had anything to do with the Rachel losing her mind and dropping him like a hot potato.

When the hour was up and everyone had left except for Rachel Quinn cornered the diva.

"Why in the hell did you dump Finn Berry?"

Rachel didn't look up from her sheet music, "I would think you would be thrilled Quinn. Now you can be with whichever boy you choose, be it Finn or Noah."

Quinn snapped, "I'm with Sam."

She was surprised by the quick, angry look Rachel shot her before the brunette lowered her eyes again, "I am aware that you are with Sam."

Quinn crossed her arms, "If you dumped Finn out of some twisted sense of nobility so that he could be with me you shouldn't have."

Rachel tensed, "Finn and I would never have worked."

Quinn arched an eyebrow, "Why not Berry? You spent all of last year chasing after him."

Rachel shoved the last of her music into her back pack and zipped up the ugly pink bag.

"Answer me Rachel."

The little diva seemed to thaw just a bit at the use of her given name, quietly she replied, "I have feelings for someone else."

Quinn rocked back on her feet. Well that was a bit unexpected.

She was silent for a minute before the dots connected themselves in her head, "You like Sam!"

Rachel whirled to face her, "What?"

Quinn snarled, "No way! Not again Man-hands. Stay away from my boyfriend."

Rachel's shocked visage melted into an amused smirk of all things, "Ok Quinn. I'll stay away from Sam." She let out a giggle and Quinn felt a rush of anger.

She grabbed a hold Rachel's arm and hissed, "What's so funny RuPaul?"

Rachel very deliberately looked down at the hand gripping her arm, "The assumption that the object of my affections is Sam. The idea is laughable. Sam is a nice boy. He's smarter than Finn to be sure and nicer than Noah so I'd say he's a perfect match for you if he wasn't so accommodating. I would not dream of interfering."

Quinn caught the undercurrent of… pain? Rachel's words were laced with it. She loosened her grip just a bit.

"So… if you don't want Sam then why dump Finn so he can be with me?" Quinn hated being confused.

Rachel shrugged, "I assumed you wanted him because of the double date."

Quinn blinked at her, "Sam and Finn did that without consulting me. Why would I…" She trailed off. Telling Rachel she'd rather be water-boarded than be seen in public with her seemed mean.

"I apologize Quinn. I should have realized you would never consent to spending time with me outside of Glee." Of course Rachel would sabotage her plans to be a little nicer.

The two girls were now wrapped in uncomfortable silence.

After an eternity Quinn spoke, "I didn't mind the date Rachel."

Rachel's eyes flicked up and Quinn took a deep breath. The brown eyes were watering just so that they shinned in the harsh light.

Quietly Rachel replied, "I did."

Quinn's hand tightened again on Rachel's arm, "Why would you mind Rachel?"

Rachel seemed to retreat into herself, "I just did."

Quinn shook her head, "I'm cashing in my wronged girl chip. You stole my boyfriend last year, so answer the question."

Quinn crossed her fingers; the chances of Rachel buying her reasoning were slim.

Rachel looked up at her with an unreadable expression before she gently pulled her arm from Quinn's grip, "Do you really want to know Quinn?" Rachel's voice was husky.

There was something about the way Rachel's eyes glinted, something in them made Quinn think that she was better off not knowing. Of course the way her stomach fluttered from the look made her disregard the little voice in the back of her mind telling her to get the hell out of the room.

"Tell me…"

Rachel hand ghosted up Quinn's arm and to her cheek. The brunette's thumb ran just under Quinn's bottom lip. The diva didn't actually touch her but the heat from her hand and thumb radiated and caused Quinn's face to flush and her lips to tingle.

"What…"

Rachel thumb pressed down, "Hush Quinn. I'm answering your question." The beautiful brunette took a step forward and raised herself up. Quinn's eyes flickered down to look at Rachel lips, which hovered dangerously close to her own.

Quinn let out a gasp as Rachel's lips pressed gently against hers. The blonde's eyes fluttered closed for just a moment as she felt a spark of something arch through her. She heard Rachel whimper and then the diva was pressing more firmly against her. Rachel's free hand grasped her hair and tugged just a bit. Without meaning to Quinn let out a groan at the slight bite of pain. Her own hands reached for the diva only to be denied as Rachel tore away and stepped back.

The little diva ran a hand over her lips and whispered; "Now you know."

Quinn stood frozen as Rachel slipped past her and out of the choir room.

In the quiet of the room she breathed, "Oh god…"

* * *

Rachel drove. She'd been driving for nearly four hours. She'd been down every street in Lima twice and yet she wasn't prepared to stop. She'd kissed her. She'd kissed Quinn. The Cheerio captain had to know now who Rachel had feelings for. She couldn't go back to McKinley, not after today. She let out a sigh, her dads would be thrilled.

Her car sputtered and Rachel looked down at her console. She let out another sigh. Of course, she was out of gas.

She pulled the car over to the side of the road and pulled out her phone. She'd keyed in her daddy's number before remembering that the men were out of town. She muttered a curse and dialed Noah's number.

* * *

Quinn looked down at her phone and read Sam's text message;

**Rachel's car ran out of gas. Can u go get her?**

Quinn let out a shaky breath;

**She txt'd u?**

Sam's reply came;

**She txt'd Puck but we r in the middle of a COD2 battle. Will u go?**

Quinn knew what her answer should be. She knew that the flash of heat that shot through her just from reading Rachel's name was a warning. She should tell Sam no. She should tell him she was busy or that she wasn't going to defile her car with Rachel's presence. The feel of a small tight female form pressed against her burned through her mind. The press of lips and the breathy answering gasp echoed in her mind. Her fingers flew;

**Where is she?**

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Quinn pulled up behind Rachel's car and just gazed at the little diva for a moment. The girl's back was to her and she was sitting on the hood of her little car. Quinn opened her door and stepped out.

"I guess it was too much to ask that Noah come get me or bring me some gas."

Quinn's step faltered, "How'd you know it was me?"

Rachel slid off the hood of her car and turned, "Your car has a very distinctive purr. That and Noah screeches to a halt no matter where he's going."

Quinn quirked a smile and replied "True."

Rachel wrapped her arms around her middle, "Quinn I…"

Quinn cut her off, "Get in the car Rachel."

The smaller girl hurried to the passenger side and slid into the car.

Quinn cracked her neck and got back into her car.

The ride was silent and tense.

* * *

Quinn had expected Rachel to launch into a tirade as soon as the car had started so the silence was disconcerting. It took seven minutes to get to the gas station, three to get the gas, and another seven to get back to Rachel's car and in that time Rachel said nothing at all to Quinn.

Quinn threw her car into park and got out when Rachel did. Quinn watched the diva put the gas in her car.

"Thank you Quinn. I did not relish the thought of being stranded out here all night." Rachel's voice was crisp and businesslike.

Quinn scowled and demanded, "Why did you kiss me?"

Rachel's spine straightened as she turned to look at Quinn, "I would have thought that was obvious Quinn."

Quinn hesitated, "You… you have feelings for me?"

Rachel nodded, "Yes."

Quinn felt like the ground was spinning, "You dumped Finn because you had feelings for me?"

A look of shame colored Rachel face as she murmured, "I went after Finn because I had feelings for you. He had you. I wanted you but I knew I couldn't have you so I went after him."

Quinn's eyes widened. That was very twisted logic, and very sad.

She hedged, "So… why dump him now?"

Rachel ran a hand through her hair, "I was trying to be a better person. I thought you wanted him back. I wanted to be the better man."

"You let him go so he could be with me?"

Rachel nodded miserably, "I know I can't make you happy Quinn. I can't be your better man. But I don't want to get in the way either."

Her head was pounding and her stomach felt like there were bats taking flight, "You want me to be happy?"

Rachel looked up and Quinn sucked in a breath at the tears that welled in the diva's eyes, "It took me a long time to realize that Quinn. If I were a boy I'd love you and beat up Noah so he stayed away, and I wouldn't let you walk all over me but I'd walk you to class and hold your hand. I wouldn't pressure you for sex because if you aren't ready then neither am I."

Quinn felt her heart catch, "That sounds amazing…"

Rachel shook her head and choked out, "But I'm not a boy Quinn. I'm just a girl." She turned away and in less than a second Rachel was in her car. The little diva pulled away and drove off in a slight cloud of dust.

Quinn wondered what it meant, knowing that she didn't care that Rachel wasn't a boy.

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